Biotics and Shotguns: A Love Story

So many orgasms.

Nerd Alert: This post is 100% Nerd. If that's not your bag, seriously, don't even bother.

So if you've been following my blog for a while (you haven't) you may recall that back in July of last year I was playing Mass Effect for the Xbox 360. Well, dear reader, in case you're not up to date on the latest BioWare news, Mass Effect 2 is coming out January 26th, 2010 and I'm playing through the first one again in preparation. What a nerd, you may say. While this is true, I'm not doing this for nothing. In the first Mass Effect, you created a character, made decisions that shaped that character and leveled up to specialize in certain areas. The second Mass Effect carries over your character from the first game. The console that I played the first game on is unfortunately no longer with us, so I'm replaying it so I don't have to start Mass Effect 2 with a generic beginning. Hopefully this brings you up to speed.

Anyway, not only does Mass Effect 2 give me a huge game boner, but replaying the first Mass Effect is so ridiculously enjoyable. I started as a Vanguard (a class that specializes in biotics and light weapons) this time around instead of an Engineer (the tech class) and I'm being more of a Renegade than I was last time as well. Not only that, but I'm just a better player this time around. When I played Mass Effect for the first time, I had never played extensively on the 360 and had never really used dual analog sticks before, so half the game was spent trying to shoot enemies, failing miserably and dying a LOT. Let me tell you, it was painful. This time I'm more acclimated to the dual analogs, and I know how the game works, so combat is much more fun.

The class change has also made things more fun. When I was an Engineer, I found myself using my biotic-capable squad mates liberally and not really using many of my own special abilities, so I thought I'd cut out the middleman this time. I also have discovered a love for shotguns and kickback. Oh, shotties. It's possible I'm wrong, but I would wager a guess that there is nothing more satisfying in a game than shooting an enemy and watching him fly backwards into a wall. Valve gets it, anyway.

Aside from all the fun I'm having replaying the first game, Mass Effect 2 looks goddamn amazing. The weapons are better, the enemies are more challenging, there's just MORE and it's all BETTER! What's more exciting than any of this is the story, though. Just like the first Mass Effect, the lore is compelling and there's an unsolved mystery hovering over all of it. We don't quite know what's going on or what's going to happen this time and it's got me all a -twitter. If you're into games and haven't checked this out yet, do yourself a favor and check out all the trailers and info on the website. It's downright titillating.

By the way, sorry if this post wasn't very eloquent. I'm a little tipsy. ELYSE OUT.

Bus Adventures

Not my bus, but it's a bus. Close enough, right?

So I woke up this morning and after getting up, getting dressed and feeding the cat, I was already majorly exhausted. I had a full day on Monday, including a long and arduous tech rehearsal that ended at 11 pm. I didn't get to bed until 12:30, which isn't too late for me, but given the amount of energy I'm putting out this week, I should definitely be getting more sleep. Anyway, I knew today was going to be especially tiring because it's another day of nonstop work. A 12 hour day. No breaks. I also have to lug around my borrowed computer, various cords and Mbox in a big bag that keeps it clean, dry and safe. It is heavy. It hurts me. The bus that I take stops at the equivalent of 2 or 3 blocks away from my apartment. It was cold, the cat had been getting into everything before I left, I forgot my toothbrush at my boyfriend's, and my body already ached. Needless to say, by the time I arrived at the bus stop, I was not in the best of moods. I waited about ten minutes before the bus arrived, and got on.

Immediately, a friendly-faced red-headed girl with a backpack in her lap said something to me I didn't understand. I hmm'ed and made that face you make when you want someone to repeat themselves. She said "I like your necklace," I said "Thank you" and sat down. But it wasn't over. She repeated that she liked my necklace, asked where I got it, commented that it was different yet still cool, and that it was really neat. Her grandma makes jewelry. She used to be an interior designer, you know? So now she makes jewelry because she's retired and doesn't have anything else to do with her time. She told her grandma, if she was going to do something, she might as well do something fun, right? Her grandma also travels a lot. She's been to Paraguay, Budapest, China and a bunch of other places I will never remember because I zoned out. China was really cool, she knows because her grandma took her with her when she went on that trip. She wants to go back because it was so fun. She's thinking of studying abroad, but she has to save up money for it, so that could take a really long time. But it's never too late to study abroad, right? Or to go just for fun. Or to go with her church group on a mission trip or something. And what kind of classes am I taking at UCI? Cool, she's going to IVC. She doesn't have enough credits to transfer to a UC or a CSU so she's taking computer science classes. They're really hard. Her gum fell out of its package into her bag! Oh no! Would I like some? Do teachers at UCI grade on a curve? She's failing a math class because the teacher doesn't grade on a curve. It's like, ugh. Ok, bye!

And maybe five minutes after I got on the bus, I got off.

Don't get me wrong, this girl was not a bus weirdo that creeps me out. If I were feeling less physically ill or even just in a better mood, I would have been happy to have someone normal to talk to. So if you're reading this, red-headed girl, don't take it personally. I didn't answer you with anything but "mhm"s and "yeah"s, with the occasional "it was a gift" and "film", but it wasn't your fault.

But a word to the wise, bus riders. When a person is wearing sunglasses on a foggy morning, is carrying heavy bags, and sighs as she sits down, refrain from provoking her, lest you be nipped by the cold shoulder or torn asunder with claws of irritation and impatience.

WHY HELLO

This picture has no relevance to the following post.

Hey kiddies, it's that time of year again. Elyse got herself involved in a show and she's going crazy with the amount of time and work it's requiring. This happens every time I take on a project but I keep coming back. Why? Because sound design is something I really enjoy. Even when the director has ideas I don't agree with, even when the work is tedious and hard to organize. It's all worth it when the play goes up and I can say I was a part of it, and a good part of it at that. Concerning this show, I was very flattered when my director mentioned he had faith that the sound would work out fine because he was impressed with my body of work. Damn, right? I've only worked on two plays on my own at my school. Everything else I've done has been as assistant sound designer.

I don't have much else to say about the show for the moment. Perhaps when it's all said and done and we've wrapped up another student workshop, I'll give y'all a nice summary, but for now I've still got my nose to the grindstone. And even when I get home at 10:30 from a full day, exhausted and hungry with still more work to do the next day, I wouldn't change a thing.

Let's talk about Sex, baby!

Look how happy they are!

I want to talk about this site.

A friend of mine posted it on their Twitter thinking it was a little TMI, but I think it's totally rad. A lot of people I've shown it to think it's a little creepy, but I don't get that vibe. To me it's a celebration of love, worldwide! Check it out! People are getting it on all over the world and they're so proud they want to document it! A lot of comments on the individual markers are usually praising the sexual prowess of their partner, thanks for good times, or pure excitement. And what's so wrong with that?

It's often said that this generation is much more open about sexuality, but I disagree. I think people have been open about sex for a while, we just like to think we're the first ones to do anything. What is true about our generation is that we have the technology to be able to shout our lovemaking from the digital mountaintops, unlike our parents. Yes, get over it, your parents had sex and probably still do have sex. They probably also would think this site is rad. In fact, check your address.

It might be kind of a "duh" thing to say, but sex is good. Love is good. What is I Just Made Love but a tiny bit of hope in a scary new world? All I can tell you is it warms me down in the cockles of my heart. In a time where stuff is getting all fucked up all over the world and people are more unsure about the future than they've ever been before, folks are still getting laid! And not only are they getting laid, they're doing it all over the place! Indoors, outdoors, missionary, doggy style, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69, the list goes on!

I also love that the site has male/female, male/male and female/female options. Who cares who's doing it with who, so long as everyone's being safe and having a good time, right?

Maybe I'm just a weirdo for thinking this is so great, but I'm honestly happy for people who get their bone on.

It's even in the Bible! Faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love! Love thy neighbor! Of course the Bible wants you to wait until you're married and all that, but I think God knows that sex is awesome. The thing is, sex is a cool physical thing and everything, but it's also emotional, which is really the best legitimate reason I can think of to wait to have sex. I haven't thought that people should wait until marriage to have sex since I was in about sixth grade, but waiting for the right person is still something I very much believe in.

Understandably, the site I linked at the beginning of this post is not necessarily full of people having sex with the right person, or people in meaningful relationships having sex. The point is, it's an act that brings people together, and I think that's worthy of celebration.

Now I'd like to get some feedback on this, so I don't feel like the weird sex ed teacher who's way too excited to teach kids about sex. If you're not too weirded out by it, tell me about your sex life! Get busy in that comment section! How do you feel about sex? Do you have regular sex in a relationship? Do you go on the prowl for sex in clubs or bars? It's all up for grabs and I'm curious so don't be shy!

Jamba Juice and Salads.

Because I don't want this to happen to me.

Hey! I'm watching my weight again. This hasn't worked in the past. Generally I get frustrated that I don't immediately see results and throw in the towel. Also I get tired of being a slave to my exercise regimen. But this time I feel different about it. I'm not focusing on losing weight so much as getting healthier and getting my waistline back. Inches instead of pounds, baby! If I only lose 5 pounds, but look slimmer and feel better, than that's fine with me. Also the title is the fake diet I've been telling the Boyfriend is all I'm going to eat. Which is funny, haha, we laugh, but do you know what I've eaten today? A Caribbean Passion with Daily Vitamin from Jamba Juice and I plan to eat a salad for dinner. Nuts, right? I also had a Balance Bar but I'm pretty sure I burned it off when I worked out for an HOUR. That's right, bitches. An hour. After not having worked out for at least a month. I am hot shit.

Anyway. On the heels of my last post, the topic of weight loss might seem a little weird. "But Elyse," you say to yourself, and I know you do, "you're beautiful no matter what your size! All women should be comfortable in their own skin!" Which is where things are getting dicey nowadays and it's something I'd like to talk about. Everyone is so worried about hurting people's feelings these days, we forget that other than aesthetics, the reason no one wants to be fat is because it's crazy unhealthy!

It's one thing to judge someone based on their appearance, which is totally wrong even though all of us do it. It's another to teach a child that it's ok to be a fatty. Because it's not. It's ok to eat healthy and exercise. It's ok to look however you want as long as you're healthy. And trust me, when you're fat, you're not healthy.

Now I'm not saying everyone has to be skinny bitches. Because seriously, who wants that? If you're going to rock the curves, rock them to your heart's content, boo. But make sure they're actually curves and you aren't a human Thwomp. I'm ready to get my curves back and not ready to lose my boobs. So if I can lose enough inches off my waistline and look a little more like the hourglass I used to and less like a lady trucker, I'll be completely satisfied. Hopefully I won't lose any of my sass along with those inches, cause you know that's what makes me the HBIC.

Lady Things: "Does this dress make me look fat?"

I just can't let go of Cupcake Dog.

So guys. I feel like you've gotten the short end of the stick. You're attracted to women but often are completely baffled by the things they say and do. And unfortunately most of the advice you've gotten in the past has been from women who think they know what you want or what's best for you. I believe this attitude is stupid and pompous and doesn't help anyone. I don't think I know what every man wants and I certainly don't know what's best for every man. What I do know is that sometimes, bitches be crazy. And I've been best friends with guys for as long as I can remember, so while I don't claim to be the only person qualified to answer your questions, I do think I speak your language. So let's get this party started and talk about a common question women ask that men have been uncomfortable answering for years.

"Does this make me look fat?"

Oooh, makes your blood run cold, doesn't it? Oh wait, I'm eating ice. Anyway, this is really an unfair question that women ask, because of the uncomfortable spot it puts their man in. If the answer is yes, you can't say yes, but you don't want to lie and say no because she'll know. If the answer is no, she may not believe you or you may feel like she's fishing for compliments, there's all kinds of complicated things that can result from this question. The key is not to get flustered, because that indicates uncertainty, which is the last thing we're looking for.

Here's the thing. Most often the reason women ask this question, or similar questions, is because we're not feeling at the top of our game. It's not always physically, either. Maybe we're not performing so well at work or at school and we don't feel as confident as we once did. Maybe we started our period and we're bloated. Maybe it is purely physical and we do just feel fat. It's times like these when we turn to our SO for, say it with me, reassurance.

You guys need this too, and you're not very upfront about asking for it either, right? Women have to ask for reassurance in what we see as an arbitrary question. He's physically attracted to me, right? Why not measure his support of me this way? It's kind of dumb but hey, we don't always think with our heads. Don't forget you're guilty of that too. Basically, it's easier for us to ask you how you think we look in some random outfit than it is to sit you down and say "I'm feeling very vulnerable lately and I'm really losing my confidence. It would mean a lot to me if you could tell me/show me that you still think I'm rad."

And in our minds, that last word changes a lot. Sexy, smart, fun, funny, talented. Things we once KNEW for sure. Things that made us feel like the HBIC, but lately we haven't been so certain about. We know you saw those things in us once too and hope you still do, so we can start believing it ourselves again.

Generally, unless your girl is a total emasculating bitch and likes watching you squirm when the pressure's on (in which case, RUN LIKE HELL. THIS BEHAVIOR WILL NOT CHANGE. YOU WILL NOT "FIX" HER.), this question is more about us than it is about you. Just like you, we don't like to talk openly about our flaws because they're our flaws! They make us uncomfortable and icky inside. We'd rather ask you to help perk us up in a roundabout way.

So next time your girl asks you something like this, remind her how beautiful and amazing you think she is. And if there is an issue about unhealthy weight gain or something that you think needs to be addressed, now is not the time. Your girl is not going to be properly motivated to get healthy if you tell her she looks fat when she's feeling badly about herself. She needs to know you're by her side and she rocks your socks, no matter what. Talk about it some other time, when she's less likely to sink into depression and more likely to accept the challenge as a positive change. (Pro Tip: When talking about weight/health issues with your lady, be ready and willing to throw yourself into the mix. A woman is going to be much more friendly if you say "Our lifestyle is a little scary, I think we should probably exercise more and eat better." rather than "These cankles really kill my boner. You should hit the gym, Wide Load.")

At the end of the day, when a lady asks this question, indulge her. She needs you, man. And even if she knows she looks hot, is totally confident about everything in her life and IS fishing for compliments in a way that makes you grumpy, being mean about it isn't going to get you laid anyway, right? Right.

D23 Expo

Love this. Check out another one here.

So I have no excuse for not posting lately except that nothing really newsworthy has happened. Actually, let me rephrase: newsworthy as far as I'm concerned. Sure there was some stuff, but who cares, right? Obviously not me. This post means it's time for the good stuff. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make it to the first D23 Expo in Anaheim this year, despite being a brand new D23 member, (thank you, Boyfriend) but I am following the group on Twitter and getting all the dirt via D23 blog posts and other Disney nerd nonsense. The skinny is, I'm really sorry I couldn't go now. It seems like it would have been a really great experience. I didn't think much of it because I checked the schedule and it just seemed like it would be a cool thing to go to just to say you were there. However, based on all these updates I'm getting, there's been a fair bit of sneak peek action at things that will be happening to current Disneyland rides, the park itself and of course, the grand renovation currently going on at California Adventure. That renovation has grown on me, by the way. At first I was rather disappointed because I like California Adventure just fine the way it is, but the changes being made are really innovative and making what's good about the park better!

However, here's where things get really cool. Rumors have been circulating online about a revamp of Star Tours and an expansion of Fantasyland, and the expo has come out to say that they're true and offered this sneak peek at some footage that may be used for the new Star Tours. Personally, I don't think this clip shows us much about what the vibe of the ride is going to be. A lot of people are already getting really upset that it's only focusing on pod racing, and that it's going to be all about the Star Wars prequels, but I doubt that. First of all the real content of the clip is only 20 seconds long and sources online have been talking about scenes with some classic characters like Boba Fett for a while. I like to think this revamp will be fairly diverse. Lord knows Star Tours has been aching for an update for some time.

Another cool thing that the blog has told me is about the expansion of Fantasyland. Here's the dish.

By 2012, guests will be able to enter a country chateau and share a dance with Cinderella to help her prepare for the ball, go to a surprise Sweet 16 party for Sleeping Beauty at her cottage with the Good Fairies or join Belle in her villa at her father's cottage to help with a comical retelling of Beauty and the Beast. And of course, you don't want to miss the chance to dine in the Beast's castle in the Be Our Guest Restaurant or at Gaston's Tavern where, as he says, he uses antlers in all his decorating! If the amazed oohs and ahhs from the audience in the arena are any indication, reservations are going to fill up quickly!

The Dumbo ride in Fantasyland is also going to be getting bigger, doubling in size in fact, and will include a brand new interactive circus tent enclosure.


Check out this fuckin' business.

All in all, the Fantasyland expansion sounds absolutely delightful. The plans for the various Princess encounters sound like they're going to be really fun (especially for a couple little girls I know who would be stoked to have a party with Sleeping Beauty) and the new restaurants they've got planned sound like a blast. Gaston's Tavern? Count me in, sir. Any way you look at it, some truly exciting things are happening for Disney in the next couple years and I for one cannot wait for 2012 to roll around!